ACCESS RESTRICTED

All those bases? Yep! They (still) belong to us.
Unauthorized access attempts may trigger logging, alerts, and awkward meetings.

"WHAT WOULD THE SHAREHOLDERS SAY?!"
— Someone, moments before the incident report
Authorized services:

▸ Remote Access: /dcv
▸ System Management: /cockpit
Monitoring enabled • Sessions logged • Bawls necessary

Kill time

If you’re stuck here anyway… enjoy a classic.